Inspiration From Paul Gauguin

Decided to start my writing from today onwards. Do not know how long i could keep it. a week? a month? or? Anyway, the last day of October, maybe it is a good day.

Paul Gauguin, Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?, 1897, oil on canvas, Boston Museum of Fine Arts, Boston, MA, USA

This picture of Paul Gauguin not only inspired me to start a heading with "what are we doing? where are we heading?" in this virtual space, but also reminded me of her lecture just a few days ago.

Cannot help keep thinking of her. Damn. It is admiration, i know. Everytime she brings me brand new perspectives to see the world. how brilliant the comparisons she did on the last lecture! how intense her speaking was! just a meter in front of me, i can feel it. i can feel her turned completely inward when she was speaking for her own argument. nothing would be more charming or shining than one intensely expressing one's thoughts. i should be like her in my next presentations.

[i almost achieved this in my presentations on Thomas Jefferson's Monticello and Christo and Jeanne-Claude's wrappings last semester, which i was satisfied. but the presentation i did last week was a shit. i was exhausted in that late afternoon and could not fully concentrate on it, which i regreted.]

everytime after her lecture i discovered that i knew so little. oh what are you made of ? can i become as good as you do? Do i have the potential to become good? i have to work very hard and be the shining one so that you may notice my existence or you may even be interested in me, though you may not know my very admiration of you.